Ok, ok so I promised a picture. But it's 10:20 and the baby is sleeping on me as we speak so have I even done my hair and makeup yet? That would be a big fat NO. I'll be taking my "before" picture tonight so maybe they'll let me steal it and I can post it here. I'm deciding if I should wear bike shorts a la Biggest Loser and create my own Team Courtney sports bra to keep me motivated. Hello cafe press.
So weigh in is tonight at 6pm. Now, I don't weigh myself. I hate the scale, I hate the numbers, I hate the pressure. BUT...it's reality. And it's time to face reality. Although I'm not too happy about that, I know it's a necessary evil of weight loss. In the past, if I was gaining weight I'd see it in the expanded muffin top when I put on jeans or saw some extra baggage hanging out of the back of my tank top (gross I know but you all know what I'm talking about.) At that point I'd cut out what was needed and done I was. But I've done that all my life..up and down, up and down. And this time it needs to be a lifestyle change.
As I was searching the web, I came across this blog... Watch My Butt Shrinking and this lady is my kind of woman. She posted about eating alone and I left a comment about how I'm the biggest closet eater out there. From the time I was little I always snuck food. If I won a box of candy on the boardwalk in Seaside, I would bring it to my room and while reading The Babysitters Club books practically ate the whole thing. As I got older, I would sneak candy whenever I could, whether it be from the fundraiser candy stored in my garage or using money in the cafeteria to buy extra cookies which would be stuck into my bag for a nighttime snack before bed. I never understood why I did this but I know it's contributed to where I am now. Even now if I"m coming home from somewhere I'll think Ohhh, Dunkin Donuts (because it's the only place with a drive through - otherwise I'd have to take the Parker out of the car) and I'll end up getting a chocolate chip muffin with cream cheese and some chocolate filled donuts I can suck the middles out of. I know it's crazy but I find satisfaction in eating by myself. It's a constant cycle though...eat then feel bad about it. So clearly, it's not good for me and I'm hoping the regimen will end that for me. Of course, there's probably some deep rooted childhood issue there but at 32 I really need to just let it go..
Anyway, so far so good. Ate my egg white omelette with mushrooms and about to eat a yogurt. Lunch will be tuna (no mayo) on a bed of lettuce with veggies. No sucking the chocolate off of a peanut butter cup, no sucking out the inside of a pierogi (yes, I've done that.)
Time to regain control and let it all go...but god, I'm really dreading that 3 digit number tonight....
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